Miss. T

well,,,the most important one is love,,,, sex is formed by two mutual love,, if your boyfriend asked you to make love to him but you didn't really consent it I think it was a forced love by your bf,,,welll that's just my opinion, since I'm going out with my bf we never do things like making love cuz we trust each other,,,(▰˘◡˘▰)

Well... I'm a girl and I'm quite sexually active for some reason... Like I just get horny for no reason. And reading yaoi just makes me want more. But I've never has sex in my life before but I just crave it so much for some reason that just doing it myself doesn't feel good anymore... So I think your boyfriend feels the same? And plus wouldn't anyone want to do it with the person they love?

ok...I'm gonna be honest...I suck I know...and I'm not saying to act...cause they can get over it if you aren't ready...but kinda yeah. Guys walk around with this thing dangling between their legs...constantly reminding them...brushes against shit and reminds them of their existence. We don't have that...we don't have this thing that wakes us up in the morning reminding them of its existence.
However they can also keep it in check...they have been managing for years to not screw anything that moves...and they have hands for a reason...y'know what I'm saying...they can keep it in check. They don't like it always and if they can whine their way into getting what they want they're gonna...cause they're big babies...but they manage...
but yes sex is important to a guy...there's this appendage swinging in the breeze reminding them of its presence.

Everyone's different but in general, yes. Guys like to have sex. But DON'T let that be the deciding factor for you. You must do it because you want it, not because it will please him. Whatever you decide, please be safe. Make him wear a condom.

LOL, your anon handle ... although I agree.

Yaoi may provide you with a release for your personal sexual tension, but if you're in a responsible, adult and exclusively monogamous relationship with someone whom you do not desire sexually, and he wants sex with you, this is going to be an issue. Possibly, if a stalemate of 'no sex' or 'too little sex for him' forms between you and remains in stasis, it could mean serious fireworks if not the end of your relationship. So, would that be okay for you?

Maybe it is. For one thing, the consequences of sex lie overwhelming on your female shoulders ... or rather, in your womb. So that's a big turn off for most women right there, or at least a major cooling factor. And it's important to give that one ALL the respect it requires, because if things get really difficult (which they do), he can just walk away, but not likely you—not from the sound of your post. Pregnancy can have far-reaching effects on your physiology, on your mental and emotional health, and it can mean the difference between a stable, autonomous future and destitution and dependence, and that's even when the pregnancy is planned for and wanted! So, don't let anyone pressure you into letting this risk slide.

This is difficult one because, in general, most healthy adult women also have sexual desires, especially if they are in love, and at some point, you will probably find that venting energy through the use of fantasy and daydreams isn't enough to fulfill you over the long term. If you combine this with an unwillingness (or inability in some extreme cases) to let your relationship go, or even if your lover's happiness is important to you—which it should be if you want your happiness to be equally important to him—then opening up sexually may be part of your personal growth. In that case, the questions you need to ask are, what do you need to handle first before you can go any further in that direction? Is it something as simple as adequate birth control and protection from STDs? Or is it a major thing like a stable professional career, mutual ownership over financial investments, marriage? Do you love this person enough to start planning how to deal with consequences and whether the risks are worth it?

It doesn't sound like you're quite ready for that yet.

It's important but it's not that important.
My partner can go on without having sex with me. He is not even dying. Sex is not food you know. Not all men are sex beast. But yes, most of them are.
If we love our partner enough we can even change our sexual preference. For me, I can't perform kinky stuff & sm because my partner think it's crazy. So normal sex is fine. So its mean if he loves you, he respect your condition, if he can't respect you when you don't want sex, then break up is better. Sex should be mutual not to please one party only. When you say you don't want it, and he said guys need to do this stuff, that's mean lack of respect so better break up with him. Easy for me to talk. But you know, on sex, it always girl who will bear more burden. Let say, miscontraception that lead to unwanted pregnancy? Do the man bear with baby? No. So it's yours to decide. Finding sex partner is easy. Finding life partner is not easy. It's your pick :)

Sex depends on the person. As long as it's consensual it should be fine. If a man/woman couldn't wait for the consent of his/her partner, then that raises a red flag. (for me, at least)

Oh, thank you very much. You gave me a very long advice
It's kind of make me happy. Really....
Oh, no. It's not my first time. He is my boyfriend for 5 years.
Both of us is just started to explore sex world in the last two years.
But, you know men. They always feels horny.
Once a week in never enough to satisfied his sex drive. If I never say 'no' he will want to do it almost every day. I can't keep this up. Seriously! A good thing is we don't live together or he can not be tamed to retrain his libido!
We always used condom because he is paranoid. Yes, we love each other. But this is too much for me.
So I forbide intercourse from our relationship for a few months. The last time we had sex is half year ago. I know this is my fault to restrain him like that. I still gave him a head job or other thing but not intercouse.
Now, he told me or literary pleading to me 'he can't take it anymore. Because men need sex'.
But, this condition an abstain sex in my live is already grow to me, I feels so comfortable.
I don't want to become mean to him. But if I give him, he will want more, more and more.
I dont hate sex. But if we do it too much, someday when we married we will become bored.
Yes, we have the talk about this, but he conviced me 'he will never ever get bored with me'.
Maybe not him, but what if its me? I dont want to lost interest in him only because this problem.
He is a year older and such a sweet heart, I trust him so much.
What do you think? I give up & give him what he want?
For me once a week is enough but not for him. He is like those pushy seme! He know what buttons to push to make my wall crumbles. Hah!

Thank you.

Yes! We have same opinion! You're so right!
But, I love him so much. I want to marry him, I want him for my last.
He think sex is for released his pent up stress, he is a working men, bay the way.
We have this abstain intercrouse for the last half a year, now he pressured me to do it. But if I give my 'ok', he will want more...
Unfortunately, my boyfriend is a typical sex beast & know how to have his way with me. I'm so easy to pleased. I hate myself for this.
Before we will do it almost every day & I have enough, I can't take it anymore.

Omg your reply about how sex craze he is, is so funny! Yeah my male friends are all like that. 5 years and he still crazy about you is good! If you trust him so much and you guys do safe sex then I think it's fine. Everyday sex will be bored. Even if you guys do all positions in the end it just penetration hahaha. Girl will get tired.
Maybe you can set up like schedule 3 times a week. Does your partner has another hobby? I mean in my case, my partner has a lot of friends and hobbies so he never said anything about sex for pent up stress but I do understand your situation.
Ok, here is the serious one. Is he only sex craze about you? Or is he ever try to do sex with other partner than you? If he went on 6 months without sex and no cheating then maybe you should give him reward, periodically. Not everyday.

“But, you know men. They always feels horny.”

Not necessarily. That’s a big myth.

Wow! You’ve been with this guy for 5 years. You’ve practiced abstinence for 6 months recently, and you only want it once a week, and he’s still with you? Wow! And you practice safe sex with a condom? (But no birth control? Condoms are necessary to prevent transmission of diseases, but let me tell you, as birth control, they are pretty sketchy. I would suggest looking into IUDs or hormone patches.) But you don’t like sex, and he’s telling you enough is enough.

Decision crunch time.

So, what’s really going on? Is it really low sex drive? Or are there other inhibiting factors? Is it you? Or is it him? Do you feel ashamed and humiliated? Is it painful? Are you naturally indolent? Do you think it’s … dirty, smelly, a lot of work for a little fizzle? Is he rude and embarrassing? Does he neglect to bathe properly? Do you feel used and resentful? Is it part of a larger picture thing where, for example, you resent being put in this position because of social expectations about women which don’t fit your hopes and dreams? There are a lot of things to look at first before you spontaneously decide it’s just low sex drive. I mean, it may be. You may be inclined toward asexuality. But there might be other underlying factors and it might be worth some self-reflection to see what’s deflating your excitement.

Because once a day is not at all unusual for young, healthy adults who love each other and don’t have to worry about things like where the next meal is coming from, or if the neighbours can hear, or if the parents are going to walk in. In fact, in the early 20s, it can be more than once a day.

“But, this condition an abstain sex in my live is already grow to me, I feels so comfortable.”

Nice for you. Not so nice for him. I wouldn’t agree to such relationship terms myself. Just saying. If I was in a partnership with someone who was so sex-averse, I would bring the relationship to a close. I would start looking outside the relationship for new partners.

“I don't want to become mean to him. But if I give him, he will want more, more and more.”

If you don’t give him any, he will want it even more. So, you need to choose. He’s telling you to choose. He’s getting fed up.

And you were the one who brought up being mean, so on a subconscious level, is that what you think you are being?

“But if we do it too much, someday when we married we will become bored.”

So goes the myth. So you get bored. So what! There are lots of things that people get bored over. Boredom is part of life. You don’t avoid boredom by avoiding sex. You avoid it by making changes. It sounds like he’s getting bored over the lack of sex.

“Maybe not him, but what if its me? I dont want to lost interest in him only because this problem.”

Then you let him know you’re getting bored and want to switch things up. Make some more changes.

“He is a year older and such a sweet heart, I trust him so much.”

Do you? So the problem has nothing to do with trust? If it doesn’t, then what is the root of the problem?

“What do you think? I give up & give him what he want?”

Not necessarily. If you don’t like sex, then you have to find some way to like it first. Or you have to find satisfaction in something else, like it makes him happy.

And you have to do some serious and scrupulous soul-searching about why you don’t like sex. Don’t lie to yourself and make yourself have it because you think you have to. You don’t. But if that relationship is important to you, it sounds like you will need to find some answers soon.

I've mentioned psychological reasons, but there can be more: a history of sexual abuse or molestation, past abortions, religious or social or familial shaming ....

More worrisome, there may be physiological reasons: endemetriosis, ovarian cancer, low thyroid or hormonal issues. It might be worth speaking to your doctor.

It might also be perfectly normal for you. I would just rule out other possibilities in case there is an underlying cause that isn't benevolent.

Please, tell me more about this! What did you mean with periodically? I suggested him once a month and he give a big no-no-no. it wouldn't do for me, three times a week is so tiring, I'm a busy uni student. This always makes me wonder, where his energy come from, he is a full-time worker.
He's not a very sociable person & he dont have a hobby (omg, I only realised it now. Maybe latter I'll ask him)
This happened a long time ago, we had a big fight then broke up, but a few days latter he came back & say 'he can't get in the mood with other girls. Something like I'm his only soulmate'. Lol. Yes, he is a very romantic person to the point of gross.
So lucky you, I hope my boyfriend s like that.
For me once a week more that enough, I don't want to getting bored with our sex live once we getting married.
Actually that's what worries me the most.

No, I don't use birth control. Even though he used condom he always 'done' outside, so I don't find the reason to start use birth control.
Your explanations is really something, it's making me want to do a lot of really deep thinking.
I like sex, especially with him. Maybe the though of feelings something 'used, loose'.
Is it my coscience?
.
' In fact, in the early 20s, it can be more than once a day'
Wow, I never know! I don't have a lots of experience in that area, in fact he is my first time. Because I'm always afraid of the pain, so I never give up my v card until I meet him.

I can't make a quick decision. I don't want to doing so much until it's makes my brain melt because of too much sex, but on the other side he want otherwise. This need a good long way of discussion with him
.
Thank you very much for the advice. This helps me alot. Really
I'll try to talk to him then I'll post the reply here.

"I like sex, especially with him. Maybe the though of feelings something 'used, loose'.
Is it my coscience?"

No, conscience wouldn't work like that. The conscience kicks in when you are hurting someone and know it. It sounds like residual subconscious cultural-religious-social shaming. The 'used' business sounds like resentment over something. Go into that and explore. What are you feeling resentful over (besides being asked for sex when you aren't ready)? Where is that coming from?

Pain is a big deal. If you feel pain when you're having sex, then you aren't ready for penetration. If there is a physiological reason, your doctor should be able to advise you. In any case, more stretching and lubrication is necessary.

Your brain can't melt over too much sex. It isn't like sleeplessness or stress.

This is a personal question, and I don't want you to answer it to me or anywhere online. I want you to ask yourself. Do you reach orgasm during sex with your boyfriend? Because if you don't come, that might be the reason you don't enjoy sex much, and it certainly would explain your resentment and low sex drive. If your boyfriend is taking care of his pleasure and you haven't experienced any, then you need to resolve that first.

It sounds like residual subconscious cultural-religious-social shaming.
Wow it usually the root of everything. Culture, environment, taboo, the are residual subconscious that made someone 'fear' something during intercourse.

And the orgasm one. Woman orgasm is not as easy as 'man come'. Some woman afraid to come because it look 'ugly', 'wet', and believe me, some men don't even understand well about women orgasm and so on and so on. It also psychological issue. Don't answer it to us. It should be answered yourself

Right, all these questions and self-reflection are things that we investigate within ourselves. You don't need to answer to anybody else about them, and if you do, it should be someone you trust implicitly.

But people gossip and blab, and if the partner ever finds out, he will probably experience it like a huge betrayal of trust and intimacy. He would definitely ask why this person is going outside their little circle for advice and support, and he would be embarrassed, probably, about the things she's sharing about him—like they reflect on him, instead of her. It would create a rift between them, and between him and her friends. So usually this is the type of introspection you do with a trained cognitive therapist who takes a professional oath and upholds codes of conduct, including confidentiality.

Women's orgasm can be difficult to achieve (except when it isn't). A lot of women don't experience it during sex with a partner. It depends on all kinds of things that are not just physical: mood, excitement, a sense of being safe to be wanton and it's often connected with romantic fantasy, but even the physical stimulation can take a lot of time to build up.