i need an honest opinion or two. Arigatou gozaimasu =)

hi everyone. I need your honest opinion about my writing. I am aiming to be a self-published writer soon, and kinda feel a little scared right now because I don't have confidence in my skill. So please, if you could, give me your feedback. And do you think people would pay for my writing?
Here's a sample of an original story I wrote inspired by the manga Hanayome-kun. Thank you for helping *nervous*nervous*

Chapter 1 - Marriage Day


"Arranged marriage at the age of 18. To someone I don't know and never met. So my family can be saved... how maidenly." He gave a mocking laugh as he fiddled with his white kimono. Then he thought he had gone insane for laughing at something not necessarily funny.
Taking one last look at his bedroom, he quickly turned around and walked out.
It was time to head for the Sekiya main house. He was going to marry into the Sekiya household as the bride. And became Sekiya Hajime's wife, a guy, who was the same age as him. As if that was not ridiculous enough, he was also going to be staying at the Sekiya house from now on like a proper wife, and had his name changed to Sekiya Yukihisa. Things like his gender being male was not a concern to them. It was appalling how conservative the Sekiya family still was considering this day and age. Still, a beggar like himself could never choose, he supposed.
The car ride felt a little slower than normal, as if his father deliberately tried to postpone the inevitable. No matter, not like I am in a hurry to end my life as I know it, he thought to himself.
The scenery outside passed by like they always do. He saw little old Aoba grandma walking away from the grocery store. There were two little boys chattering excitedly on the way home from kindergarten. A mother looking harassed by her upset little baby at the junction. Everyone was going about their normal lives outside.
Nothing was normal inside the car though. At the back, sitting stiffly, Yukihisa fiddled with his robe again. He was wearing uchikake kimono, a long, white kimono women wear to their wedding, despite being a man, to be married off as a 'wife'. And he was still an 18-years-old high school student. It's a good thing they did not require him to wear the headdress women wear, but the pristine white flowery-patterned silk wrapped around his body was enough to make him feel like a woman. He felt suffocated and nauseated just thinking about it.
In front of the car, mama who was usually sweet and cheerful, was now quiet as a mouse, shrunk in on herself like that, her head bowed low to hide her face, her hands gripping her handbag tightly. Dad was driving grimly, his movements stiff as his eyes locked to the windscreen the entire time. None of them looked back to him or tried to make small talks. It felt so much like going to grandma's funeral service he got a sense of dejavu.
He knew this was all because mom and dad felt guilty about this. They were embarrassed of themselves, of their inability to protect him. No matter how much he convinced them otherwise, that he's doing this out of his own free will, they knew it was because they were backed into a corner. He was sacrificing himself so father's company could escape bankruptcy and his little brother and sister would never taste poverty. In the end, everyone felt the sting of helplessness eating at their flesh.
The rest of the day passed by in a blur. The marriage service, the greetings of relatives, the small private feast, he just let himself drift through it all. He followed whatever instruction given by unknown voices, bowed his head and said the barest pleasantries each and every time someone approached. It seemed they were not expecting much of him either. Nothing registered deep in his mind but the fact that mama and dad left him here without a goodbye. Perhaps mama was crying and dad did not want him to see it so he dragged her out. Or maybe they did not have the heart to-
"...hisa. Yukihisa. Yukihisa!"
"Uh. Yes?" He looked up to the one summoning him. It was Sekiya Hajime himself.
"It's time to retire. Every guest has left. Grandmother and other family members are also gone." He turned around to leave. "Follow me. I'll show you your room." His curt and precise words did not leave room for argument.
"Yes, Sekiya-sama."
Sekiya Hajime whipped around so fast his clothes swirled sharply about him, nearly hitting a startled Yukihisa.
"What was that? Sekiya-sama? Are you making fun of me?"
"What? I... no. I just..." Yukihisa was at a loss for words. He did not get why Sekiya Hajime would feel that way.
"You realize that you are now Sekiya too? Should I call you Sekiya-sama? "
"I'm not making fun of you! It's just how my family addresses your family. Why would I make fun of you? And it's not like you have said anything about calling out your given name. If you don't like it shouldn't you do something about it?" Great, a fight between newlyweds right after guests went home, Yukihisa thought grimly.
“What kind of tone is that you're taking to your husband?!”
“Well, you started it! You want me to be respectful? Why don't you start first?”
Hajime walked forward and pulled on Yukihisa's pristine white uchikake kimono's collar roughly, jerking him forward. His anger was palpable in his eyes and face. Yukihisa stood his ground despite his heart jumping all over the place.
"You'll call me Hajime, and you'll listen to everything I said.” He hissed angrily in Yukihisa's face. “That's all the respect you're going to get, wife. Now, follow me!" Then he grabbed Yukihisa's wrist tightly and dragged him off deeper into the traditional Japanese house.
“That hurt! Let go!” Yukihisa called out to the man in front of him, angered and humiliated at the treatment. “I said let go!” He tried to tug his wrist away, only to have Hajime tighten his grip in reprimand. It's going to bruise tomorrow, Yukihisa thought in disgust as he ceased his struggle and tried to hurry up, not feeling like keeping up the pointless fight.
Yukihisa had no problem matching Hajime's pace, but the long winding corridors and his own heavy robe turned it into a struggle. Soon he was mind-cursing everyone who designed the sprawling house and his 'more layers than he cared to count' kimono and the tight obi around his chest that was cutting his breathing, but mostly he was cursing the abominable freight train that was Hajime.


"Starting tonight, this is your room. My room is next door." Hajime pointed down the hallway. We actually had our own private wing, Yukihisa noticed."There's a door that connects both our room in between. Don't worry, I am never going to open that door. You too, better not try to." He said with threatening tone, his eyes full of distrust.
Yukihisa just glared back. He really was not feeling like talking now, as he was still huffing and puffing. Threats be damned, it's not like he would ever be tempted by this arrogant guy.
"Anything you want to ask?"
"Bathroom?" he huffed.
"End of the corridor." This time Hajime just gave a flick of his head down the hallway.
"Thanks. See ya." Without waiting for a reply Yukihisa swiftly opened the bedroom door and entered, sliding the door closed with a bang in Hajime's face. He did not even feel like caring that he was being rude to his spouse. He just wanted the day to be over.
He waited a moment at the door, making sure that Hajime would not burst in with anger at his attitude. When nothing happened, he sighed with relief and walked away. Good thing we are not expected to sleep together. I might end up strangling him to death, Yukihisa predicted.